My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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