I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
