is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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