Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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