So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
