i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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