when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
