the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My bed smells like the plague
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