i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
