I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
