I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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