The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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