You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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