We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
