YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
