Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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