Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
