is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
