Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
