You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
