made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
