I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
