East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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