ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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