cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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