My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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