I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
