i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
