Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
