Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
