Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
