Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
