Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
