Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
