I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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