I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
