mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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