so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
