My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
