You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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