YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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