Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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