My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
