I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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