i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
