32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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