I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
