my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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