Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
