i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
