Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
