Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
