38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
