he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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