Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the day after is always just damage control
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
