I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
