I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
