I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
