hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
