i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
