It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
