I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
