did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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