There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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