And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
