well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
