just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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