dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he puts the penis in happiness.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize