i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
